|
|
Post by Slinger on Aug 25, 2017 13:27:02 GMT
An honest eBay ad...
|
|
|
|
Post by MikeMusic on Aug 25, 2017 14:09:00 GMT
Like it, thanks
|
|
|
|
Post by MikeMusic on Aug 25, 2017 14:14:57 GMT
There i was dancing on the pedals up a long, steep hill being the super hero cyclist I am. Ok slogging away in next to bottom gear to be more accurate. Labouring even. Noted a big truck with foreign plates parked on the other side of the road and the driver walking around the front.. He looked at me, smiled then made the rev up signal with his wrist as if a motorbike. I smiled back and then had a little chuckle He can't have realised what a super hero I am  |
|
|
|
Post by MikeMusic on Aug 25, 2017 14:20:19 GMT
I didn't want to say "should have got a better tablet" but you know what I was thinking  Twas gifted to me when the boss upgraded hers. Comes in useful as my PC is 2 floors up. That was the boss's great idea to move my office upstairs too..... Not keen on the glass keyboard, the size and lack of speed. Plus the odd correcting |
|
|
|
Post by MikeMusic on Aug 31, 2017 15:20:03 GMT
Our Future
Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?
No sir - it's Google Pizza.
I must have dialled a wrong number. Sorry.
No sir - Google bought Gordon's Pizza last month.
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
Do you want your usual, sir?
My usual - you know me?
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses - sausage - pepperoni - mushrooms and meat balls on a thick crust.
OK - that's what I want .
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta - arugula - sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat, gluten free, thin crust?
What? I detest vegetables.
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
How the hell do you know?
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drugsale Network, 4 months ago.
I bought more from another drugstore.
That doesn't show on your credit card statement.
I paid in cash.
But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
I have other sources of cash.
That doesn't show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.
WHAT THE HELL? ! ! ! !
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google - Facebook - Twitter - WhatsApp and all the others!! I'm going to an island without internet - cable TV - where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me !!
I understand sir - but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago
|
|
|
|
Post by ChrisB on Sept 3, 2017 17:13:57 GMT
Tom Waites' major influence? |
|
|
|
Post by MartinT on Sept 5, 2017 6:06:47 GMT
...and a bit of Joanna Newsom.
|
|
|
|
Post by ChrisB on Sept 6, 2017 22:27:49 GMT
It was yesterday actually (and I am paraphrasing a bit) but...
The search engine for people who spend far too much time on the internet: Go Ogle.
|
|
|
|
Post by MikeMusic on Sept 7, 2017 7:43:05 GMT
Cycling yesterday.
From a country lane onto a main road, spot a big truck coming, estimate no problem so pull out, up to speed, all ok.....
Truck goes past at around 40mph - with a cyclist almost glued to his back end, pedalling very quickly.
Rather him than me, did make me chuckle though
|
|
|
|
Post by Slinger on Sept 9, 2017 10:46:05 GMT
How closely do you read the Terms Of Service (TOS) when you sign up for something or download a piece of software on the web? The most common answer is probably "not at all" isn't it? Strange and wondrous things may be buried within though, such as a clause in the (26,000 word) TOS for Amazon's new Lumberyard software. The terms initially state that the code used by developers for “life-critical or safety-critical systems” should not be applied to driverless cars, medical equipment, airplanes, air traffic control or nuclear facilities. Amazon’s terms of service then go on to state: Yes, an actual zombie apocalypse  My favourite is this one though, from 2014... Finnish firm F-Secure included a ‘Herod Clause’ within the terms and conditions of a free WiFi hotspot. Within half an hour, six people had signed up and agreed to “render up their eldest child for the duration of eternity.” It was they said, an "experiment to highlight the risks of public WiFi security." In a report detailing the experiment, F-Secure stated: “We have yet to enforce our rights under the terms and conditions but, as this is an experiment, we will be returning the children to their parents. “While terms and conditions are legally binding, it is contrary to public policy to sell children in return for free services, so the clause would not be enforceable in a court of law.” SOURCESo, does anyone here have any idea at all what they may actually have agreed to in their time on the internet? |
|
|
|
Post by MikeMusic on Sept 10, 2017 11:02:00 GMT
Wonderful !
Thanks for posting
|
|
|
|
Post by ChrisB on Sept 12, 2017 7:03:43 GMT
This Ebay advert gave me a chance to have a bit of a chuckle. The speakers (quote) UTILIZE "PHASED ARRAY RADAR TECHNOLOGY", EXCLUSIVE & PATENTED. This leads the seller to describe them as Ph.A.R.T. equipped.
|
|
|
|
Post by Slinger on Sept 29, 2017 16:30:56 GMT
Trying to sort out banking details is not usually a laughing matter, and I have to admit that this was more of a "are you really serious" sort of chuckle. Long story short, missus passed away and the TV license was in her name and paid by DD from an account solely in her name. So, went online, Googled the appropriate site, and logged on to 'her' account. This allowed me to change the banking details, contact email address, and so on; virtually anything I wanted pertaining to the license in fact.
However, when I wanted to change the account-holder name to my own I was stopped at the first hurdle in the process. There are (i.i.r.c.) 5 options in a dropdown box indicating a reason you wish to change the name. None of them cover my situation. Back to square one and they insist that for any other reasons I need a letter authorising the change of name signed by the current license holder.
I have emailed them suggesting that it might be a little late for that.
|
|
|
|
Post by MikeMusic on Sept 29, 2017 16:59:07 GMT
Best of luck with that Paul.
There is a glimmer of hope the banks and others are getting the message but they may need something very public, or a sharp item up the rear end !
|
|
|
|
Post by Slinger on Sept 29, 2017 17:50:06 GMT
Best of luck with that Paul. There is a glimmer of hope the banks and others are getting the message but they may need something very public, or a sharp item up the rear end ! The bank (Lloyds) have been pretty good I must say, Mike, and have done everything I needed them to do and a bit more. Best phone call today was to British Gas. The very nice young lady not only sorted the direct debit out but checked my balance, told me I was almost £1400.00 in credit and asked me if I'd like a grand refunded to my bank account. I said yes. She then mentioned another scheme that they run, asked me for a few more details, and proceeded to tell me I'd get a one-off payment of £140.00 in my account on top of the £1000.00 refund. Now, if I can just get hold of the fly-by-night buggers who service the Kirby I'll be pretty much sorted. Oh, I also found out from AXA that there was a life insurance policy on the missus I knew nothing about so that's a couple of grand towards the cost of the funeral which, up until today, I thought was all coming out of my pocket. I can't say it's been a good day, I think it'll be a while before I have one of those again, but it was certainly a much better day than they have been lately. |
|
|
|
Post by MartinT on Sept 29, 2017 19:04:20 GMT
Trying to sort out banking details is not usually a laughing matter That brings back memories. I found that every institution was quite approachable bar one. They all wanted a copy of the straightforward will and some wanted a form filled in to indemnify them. It was pretty painful at the time but I got most of it done within a couple of weeks. The exception was Sainsbury's Bank, who were dicks of the first order. The funny bit? It was a remnant account with only about £60 in it. I ended up telling them to stick it up their arse. The money finally arrived months later! |
|
|
|
Post by MikeMusic on Sept 29, 2017 19:24:00 GMT
Best of luck with that Paul. There is a glimmer of hope the banks and others are getting the message but they may need something very public, or a sharp item up the rear end ! The bank (Lloyds) have been pretty good I must say, Mike, and have done everything I needed them to do and a bit more. Best phone call today was to British Gas. The very nice young lady not only sorted the direct debit out but checked my balance, told me I was almost £1400.00 in credit and asked me if I'd like a grand refunded to my bank account. I said yes. She then mentioned another scheme that they run, asked me for a few more details, and proceeded to tell me I'd get a one-off payment of £140.00 in my account on top of the £1000.00 refund. Now, if I can just get hold of the fly-by-night buggers who service the Kirby I'll be pretty much sorted. Oh, I also found out from AXA that there was a life insurance policy on the missus I knew nothing about so that's a couple of grand towards the cost of the funeral which, up until today, I thought was all coming out of my pocket. I can't say it's been a good day, I think it'll be a while before I have one of those again, but it was certainly a much better day than they have been lately. I'm surprised and delighted. This is so much better than I have heard and expected. Does the Kirby really need regular servicing ? Hoping for the good days as soon as possible. |
|
|
|
Post by Slinger on Sept 29, 2017 23:51:22 GMT
Does the Kirby really need regular servicing ? Not really, it's an 'insurance' sort of deal. Parts are bloody expensive and with the option I've got I get regular services and if anything's worn out or buggered they replace it without any extra charge. I want to get one more service out of them before I cancel the DD because the belt will need changing at least. They also throw in a few free bags as well. Save |
|
|
|
Post by MikeMusic on Sept 30, 2017 11:45:42 GMT
Does Googling or Ebay bring up alternatives ?
|
|
|
|
Post by Slinger on Sept 30, 2017 17:13:56 GMT
I think I've wandered into a strange parallel universe. Today, totally unprompted, I got a brown envelope from the DWP. More bloody red tape? No! It was a questionnaire and a covering booklet inviting me to apply for something called a "Bereavement Support" payment. It doesn't say whether I'll definitely be entitled to it but if I am it could be a lump sum of £2.5K plus 18 monthly payments of £100.00. On Monday I'm looking forward to a cheque from The National Lottery...which I do not participate in. The laughter is now mildly hysterical.
|
|
