ZAPPALOGUE



How many modern musicians have had something fairly lasting named after them?  Well, there are a few I can think of.  For example there’s John Lennon Airport and there’s even a Rory Gallagher Square in Cork, Ireland.  Frank Zappa, however, is different:  there are several species, a gene and even a planet named after him.  In fact most things about Zappa are different.  


Where should I start?  Well………he appeared on TV in 1962 playing a piece on a bicycle – that’s not exactly normal fare for rock musicians.  He wrote a rock opera ‘I was a Teenage Maltshop’– in 1963 way before Pete Townsend tried his hand at the form.  

He released one of the first double album in rock music – not only that, but a double album as a debut? – This is pretty much unheard of even now.  Not only that, but ‘Freak Out’ was negotiated by him to sell at the same price as a single album – I don’t think that was repeated till punk came along.  He was the first to use 16 track recording – there were 40 tracks recorded for parts of ‘Dog Breath’ in 1967.  He was using wah-wah pedals on guitar, saxophone and clarinet in 1967 and a certain guitarist who was playing in the venue next door asked to borrow them to experiment with.  He was called Jimi something or other.  

He suggested an idea for selling music remotely to fans over phone lines – music downloads – even before the CD was available.  He was a cultural attaché to Czechoslovakia.  He was the first rock musician to have complete control over all of his business and musical affairs.  He has released 4 albums of guitar solos – just the solos, yet he regarded himself as an average player.  He regularly used sampling (of his own work) before most people had even heard of it.  

He wrote music that was virtually impossible for real people to play, but, as an early adopter of the synclavier, he found a way to play it.  Conversely, he fostered the talent of some some of the best musicians in the business – have you ever heard of Lowell George?....Warren Cucarullo?…Captain Beefheart?...Terry Bozzio?... Alice Cooper?…Adrian Belew?...Tim Buckley?... Steve Vai, for God’s sake!

Despite all of the above, most people only know of him as the guy who called two of his kids Moon Unit & Dweezil.

Anyway, about the music:  Frank Zappa was perhaps the most innovative, eclectic, controversial, contradictory and original musicians ever.  He made over 60 albums and had major influences as diverse as Clarence Gatemouth Brown and Stravinski.  The impact of his orchestral music is still being realised and understood, but he placed equal importance on stuff as dumb as ‘Louie Louie’, which he frequently covered, and other music as complex and ‘difficult’ as things he did in later life like ‘The Yellow Shark’.

If there’s one thing that Zappa has taught me, it’s that putting music into categories can be the beginning of the end for your own personal discovery of new music.  

Zappa’s music can’t be categorised because there is something for every mood, something for everyone to love and some things that certain people will never love.  There is doo-wop, jazz, ballads, heavy rock, dense orchestral music, impenetrable electonica, beautiful guitar playing, fantastically complex percussion, hilarity, satire, ridicule, political and religious commentary, wordplay and just plain noise.  Almost all of these themes occur, seemingly at random throughout his entire career, but all are connected in indefinable ways.  With Zappa, there are no rules – neither rules of music or subject matter.  Because of this it is so hard to define ‘which are the best albums’.

Most fans get into his music through the satirical or downright rude parts of his work – like ‘Valley Girls’, ‘Bobby Brown’ or ‘Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow’.  Plenty of folks have a copy of ‘Hot Rats’ nestling in their record collections – but these things are just a tiny part of the world of Zappa.    

He’s often been accused of being sexist and this is totally erronerous.  Zappa often discusses sex, and there are often sexist themes explored.  However, the point is invariably made that the male character is weak and pretty despicable!  That’s not to say that within Zappa’s work sex isn’t celebrated…..without shame. And let’s face it, some pretty weird practices and attitudes are discussed.  That doesn’t mean they are condoned.  “Bad facts make bad law, and people who write bad laws are in my opinion more dangerous than songwriters who celebrate sexuality.” (FZ)



FZ PRIMER



Here are some things you should try out – you’re bound to like some of them.  At the very least your interest in new music might be inspired……..and challenged.

I’ve put things into various different categories and these are simply intended to give you an easy way in..  In the spirit of what I wrote above about FZ’s music being impossible to categorise, you should remember that just because a track is in one category, it could just as easily, and probably does, belong in another, or several others, as well!    I’ve also tried not to pick the obvious choices, that way, all but the owners of huge Zappa collections might find something new.  Also, there are sometimes several versions, often completely different – I’ve tried to include them all, mostly from memory, so please forgive me if I’ve stuffed it up a couple of times!  Different versions are generally listed in chronological order.  I’ve pretty much stuck to albums released while FZ was alive.  Track titles first, then album titles.

Right then folks, seat belts on please.  Chuck your preconceptions out of the window, it’s time to broaden your horizons.  Here we go…………




Great Songs.  Fantastic Vocal harmonies.  Dumb sentiments:  Doo-wop.
“Give me a beat.  Not a fancy one. Give me a good beat – something I can dance to.  It has to go boom-bap, boom-boom-BAP.  If it doesn’t, I will hate it very, very much”

‘Love of My Life’ – "Cruising with Ruben and the Jets", "Tinseltown Rebellion", “You Can’t Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. IV”.

‘WPLJ’ – “Burnt Weeny Sandwich”, one of the “You Can’t Do That On Stage Any More” albums – can’t remember which one, though (hereafter known as YCDTOA)

‘Valarie’ – “Burnt Weeny Sandwich”

‘Deseri’ – “Cruising With Reuben & the Jets”

‘The Air’ – “Uncle Meat”

‘The Closer You Are’ – “Them or Us”, “YCDTOA Vol. 4”

‘Go Cry On Somebody Else’s Shoulder’ – “Freak Out”



Help, I’m A Rock!: Rock Music
“The Quaalude Thunder goes here……the shorthand description of a drum fill you hear on certain heavy metal albums – where the guy plays as many notes as he can on all of his thousand tom-toms before he ends with The Big Crash”  



‘Joe’s Garage’ – “Joe’s Garage Act I”, “YCDTOA Vol. 3”

‘Muffin Man’ – “Bongo Fury”, “YCDTOA Vol. 6”

‘Camarillo Brillo’ – “Overnite Sensation”, “YCDTOA Vol. 6”.

‘Cosmic Debris’ – “Apostrophe”, “YCDTOA Vol. 3”, “The Best Band You Never Heard in Your Life”

‘Sofa’ – “One Size Fits All”, “YCDTOA Vol 1”, “In New York”, “The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life”

‘Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?’ – “Joe’s Garage Act I”, “YCDTOA Vol. 3”, – features an STD called Gonnokakakackus.

‘Whipping Post’ – “Them or Us”, “Does Humor Belong In Music?” – Allman Brothers cover

‘My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama’ – “Weasels Ripped My Flesh”, “YCDTOA Vol. 4 & 5”



Blue Men Can Sing the Whites:  Blues.
“When I first heard it (The Story of My Life by Guitar Slim)……..his style of playing seemed to be beyond the notes – it had more to do with the attitude with which he was mangling his instrument”

‘Directly From My Heart To You’ – “Weasels Ripped My Flesh” – superb violin playing in a tough blues style

‘Road Ladies’ – “Chunga’s Revenge”

‘Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up’ – “Joe’s Garage Act I”, “YCDTOA Vol 3” (also on a rare solo album (same title) by Jeff Simmons – featuring guess who?)



Dumb All Over, A Little Ugly On The Side:  Social  & Political Satire/Commentary.
“The biggest threat to America today is not Communism. It's the turning of this country into a Fascist Theocracy”

‘Dickie’s Such an Asshole’ – “Broadway The Hard Way” – A live favourite while Nixon was squirming about Watergate, but not released as a recording till 1988

‘Trouble Every Day’ – “Freak Out”, “Roxy & Elsewhere”, “YCDTOA Vol 5”, “Does Humour Belong in Music?”, “The Best Band You Never Heard In Your Life” - ………I’m not black, but there’s a whole lot of times when I wish I wasn’t white.

‘Porn Wars’ – “Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers of Prevention” – Records the battle he took part in against the ‘Washington Wives’ who persuaded their politico husbands to try to censor music

‘When The Lie’s So Big’ – “Broadway The Hard Way” – About Rev. Pat Robertson who had apparently received personal instructions from God to become leader of the Republican Party

‘What’s The Ugliest Part of Your Body?’ – “We’re Only In It For The Money” - in fact the whole album is a statement on the entire 60’s/hippy generation

‘Valley Girls’ – “Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch”

‘Flakes’ – “Sheik Yerbouti” (a thoughtful treatise on plumbers and other tradesmen).

‘America Drinks & Goes Home’ – “Absolutely Free”



Just Heavenly:  Religious Satire/Commentary.
"Religion has mostly proven to be a real-estate scam."

(FZ is generally not satirising religion, as such, but the things that are done in its name by certain ‘Men of God’ who appear on TV in the US.)

‘The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing’ – “You Are What You Is”, “Thing Fish”

‘Heavenly Bank Account’ - “You Are What You Is”, “YCDTOA Vol. I”.

‘Jesus Thinks You’re A Jerk’ – “Broadway The Hard Way”



The Squelchy Section:  Sexual satire.
“The President did not answer my letter.  Instead, he gave a speech, a short time later, in Crystal City, Virginia, wherein he claimed that everybody in the record industry was a pornographer”

‘Bobby Brown’ – “Sheik Yerbouti”

‘Honey, Don’t You Want a Man Like Me’ – “In New York”  - Lines like ‘They saw a real hippy, the candles were drippy’, ‘He was quick to suggest any sport with a puck had to be about the best’ & ‘Her favourite group was Helen Reddy’

‘Dinh-Moe Hum’ –  “Overnite Sensation” - '......done spent three hours & I ain’t got a crumb, from the Dinah-Mo, Dinah-Mo, Dinah-Mo Hum……'



Zappa Gets Horny:  Jazz
“…Jazz standards thrive on II-IV-I (scale).  To me this is a hateful progression.  In jazz they beef it up a little by adding extra partials into the chords to make them more luxurious……….still the essence of bad white person music”

‘Blessed Relief’ – “The Grand Wazoo”

‘We Are Not Alone’ – “The Man From Utopia” - a track where the melody is played by, of all things, a baritone sax – this one’s meaty, beaty, big & bouncy!!!!!

‘Mr Green Genes’, ‘Son of Mr Green Genes’ – “Uncle Meat”, “Hot Rats”, “The Best Band You Never Heard in Your Life”

‘Peaches en Regalia’ – “Hot Rats”, “Fillmore East June ‘71”, “Tinseltown Rebellion”

‘Big Swifty’ – “Waka/Jawaka”, “YCDTOA Vol. 1 & 2”, “Make a Jazz Noise Here”



Strings Attached: Orchestral (not all of these versions are played by an orchestra!)
“Want to be a composer?  You don’t even have to write it down…….it’s only a bunch of air molecules, who’s gonna check up on you?”

‘Dog Breath’ – “Uncle Meat”, “Just Another Band From LA”, “YCDTOA Vol 2”, “The Yellow Shark”,

‘King Kong’ – “Uncle Meat”, “Lumpy Gravy”, “YCDTOA Vol 3”,

‘Oh No’ – “Weasels Ripped My Flesh”, “Lumpy Gravy”, “Roxy & Elsewhere”, “Make a Jazz Noise Here”, “YCDTOA Vol  1”,

‘Strictly Genteel’ – “200 Motels”, “Orchestral Favorites”, “YCDTOA Vol. 6”, “Make a Jazz Noise Here”

‘Dupree’s Paradise’ - “YCDTOA Vol. 2”, “Make a Jazz Noise Here”


Applied Gizmology: Synclavier
“Musicians tend to be lazy, they get sick & skip rehearsals”

‘G-Spot Tornado’ - “Jazz From Hell” – This is one piece that FZ thought couldn’t be played by humans.  He was proven wrong when the Ensemble Moderne played it & got a 2 minute standing ovation.  It’s also Germaine Greer’s favourite piece of music!!

‘While You Were Art II’ - “Jazz From Hell”

‘Night School’ - “Jazz From Hell”



Bashing and Scraping Stuff:  Percussion
“Timpanists? Forget it – they regard themselves as ‘special’ because their instruments have musical pitches………only the timpanist can play timpani”

‘The Black Page’ – “In New York”, “YCDTOA Vol 4 & 5”, Make A Jazz Noise Here” – the track gets it’s name because there are so many notes on the score.

‘Inca Roads’ - “One Size Fits All” – Actually the entire album – Ruth Underwood is the musician whose playing brings this album to life. (……..she was the daughter of a wealthy Florentine Pogen, Read ‘em & weep was her adjustable slogan…… (!!))

‘The Grand Wazoo’ – “The Grand Wazoo” – Aynsley Dunbar does things to drum kit you wouldn’t believe.


Great Riffs and Twiddly bits: The Guitar.
“All I want to do is go on autopilot, wiggle my fingers and listen to what comes out”

‘Watermelon In Easter Hay’ – “Joe’s Garage Vols. 2&3”, “Guitar”, “Frank Zappa Plays The Music of Frank Zappa”

‘Five, Five, Five’ – “Shut Up & Play Your Guitar Some More”

‘Burnt Weeny Sandwich’ – “Burnt Weeny Sandwich” – The guitar solo here shows that subtelty can be as powerful as volume

‘Carnasie’ - “Shut Up & Play Your Guitar Some More”

‘Ship Ahoy’ - “Shut Up & Play Your Guitar Some More”, “Frank Zappa Plays The Music of Frank Zappa”

‘St. Etienne’ – “Jazz From Hell”



Intercontinental Absudities:  Just Plain Silly
“I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird”.

‘The Illinois Enema Bandit’ – “In New York” (based on a true story involving someone who was arrested because he administered enemas during ‘romantic interludes’ on unsuspecting female students – apparently there was no law against it, so the judge threw it out of court!). Great blues track but definitely not of the ‘….well I woke up this mornin’ school’.

‘Montana’ - “Overnite Sensation”, “YCDTOA Vols 2 & 4”, (discusses moving to Montana in order to become a dental floss farmer).

‘Billy The Mountain’ – “Just Another Band From L.A.”  A sort of rock opera performed live on stage – …..Billy was a mountain, Ethel (his wife) was a tree growing off his shoulder, his mouth was a cave & he coughed up rocks while on vacation with the National Guard in pursuit.

‘Greggary Peccary’ – “Studio Tan” – another rock opera type piece about a ‘nocturnal wild swine’ who earns a living as a ‘trend-monger’.



So there you go: 58 songs, and 108 odd tracks.  A little gift from me (…..and Frank)!  What are you waiting for? - get yourself down your local record emporium, downloading, or or even just your local music library.  





..........by the way, about those things that are named after him:

• There’s a gene called ZapA which is found within a protein of a bacterial strain (called Proteus mirabilis) which is named after Frank. Pretty fitting when you connect the two facts that the bacteria is responsible for an exotic infection of the urinary tract and that Frankieboy recorded a track called ‘Why Does It Hurt When I Pee’  (I got it from the toilet seat – it jumped right up & grabbed my meat! - see above)  
• A fish found in Papua New Guinea is called Zappa confluentus after our man Frankie.
• There’s a jellyfish called Phialella zappai.
• An extinct mollusc (only found in fossil form) is called Amaurotoma zappa.  
• Now then, would you believe that the spider called Pachygnatha zappa actually looks like Zappa?  The female has markings that look like the furry face furniture of Frank!  
• Finally, in 1994, the planet discovered in 1980 by an astronomer called Brozek was named Zappafrank.  (Actually, there’s also an asteroid called Zappa but that’s named after an Italian astronomer Giovanni Zappa, who died in 1923).

After you hear all of this business about names it’s a bit ironic that until he was in his 20’s Zappa had always though his name was Francis, only to discover that he was actually christened as Frank!





Note:  The above is an essay that I wrote some years ago at the request of John and is also available on one or two other places on the web.
Hope you liked it!