Post by ChrisB on Jun 18, 2014 23:38:15 GMT
Picture this: God & St. Francis are having a nice cup of Earl Grey & sharing a few chocolate digestives.
God said:
Frankie, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet Earth? What happened to the dandelions, violets and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. Francis:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
God:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
St. Francis:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
God:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
St. Francis:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it..........sometimes twice a week!
God:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay for their livestock to eat?
St. Francis:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
God:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
St. Francis:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They actually pay to throw it away.
God:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
St. Francis:
Yes, Sir.
God:
Well, these Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work and expense.
St. Francis:
You're going to struggle to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out little rubber pipes and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
God:
What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. They was a sheer stroke of genius, even if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
St. Francis:
Errrrrrrrr, umm...............you'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have a slightly different cycle. As soon as the leaves fall, they spend hours chasing them around in the wind with hand tools to rake them into great piles. Sometimes they use a thing called a blower to pile them up which is really expensive and needs to be powered by burning fuel made from oil - more cost for them. Oh, and they pay for the leaves to be taken away, just like the grass.
God:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
St. Francis:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They take it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
God:
And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis:
Errrrr...........................well.........................they cut down trees and grind them up into little pieces to make the mulch.
God said:
Frankie, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet Earth? What happened to the dandelions, violets and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
St. Francis:
It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.
God:
Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
St. Francis:
Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
God:
The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
St. Francis:
Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it..........sometimes twice a week!
God:
They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay for their livestock to eat?
St. Francis:
Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
God:
They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
St. Francis:
No, Sir, just the opposite. They actually pay to throw it away.
God:
Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
St. Francis:
Yes, Sir.
God:
Well, these Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work and expense.
St. Francis:
You're going to struggle to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out little rubber pipes and pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
God:
What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. They was a sheer stroke of genius, even if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
St. Francis:
Errrrrrrrr, umm...............you'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have a slightly different cycle. As soon as the leaves fall, they spend hours chasing them around in the wind with hand tools to rake them into great piles. Sometimes they use a thing called a blower to pile them up which is really expensive and needs to be powered by burning fuel made from oil - more cost for them. Oh, and they pay for the leaves to be taken away, just like the grass.
God:
No!? What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?
St. Francis:
After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They take it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
God:
And where do they get this mulch?
St. Francis:
Errrrr...........................well.........................they cut down trees and grind them up into little pieces to make the mulch.
On the few occasions I've planted vegetables however they've thrived beyond all expectations and have either produced bumper crops or humungous veggies. Go figure... 
